On Fathers
by TheGoldman
Summary: An extract from Sara Ryder's journal, written shortly after arriving in Andromeda. One-shot


Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Mass Effect Andromeda. I have a copy of the game, (it's great!) but not the intellectual rights.

-.-

Dad should have prepared me better.

I knew he hadn't exactly planned things to go down that way – no-one plans to die choking for air on an uninhabitable planet – but, he should have known that the possibility was there. Every Pathfinder expects to go that way someday – boots on the ground on an uncharted world.

Scott had been the one he'd prepared, but unfortunately Scott … wasn't available. My 'little' brother, something I always called him despite the fact that he's a foot taller, built like a krogan, and only a second younger than me, was in a coma. SAM says that he's going to be alright, but I don't know … I just don't know.

Dad hadn't wanted to train me at first, even though I was the stronger biotic. In his defense, I wasn't particularly interested in most of his N7 combat training. He taught me how to shoot, and basic hand-to-hand, but I was more interested in archaeology. Scott used to mock me, calling me a nerd and a shut-in because I preferred to go to the library and research instead of going to a shooting range or a boxing match. Tactics, leadership, politics … they were Scott's strengths, and my weaknesses.

As much as I wanted to go to Andromeda, I can't help but feel that Dad forced me and Scott into joining the Initiative. Neither of us said it, but both of us knew that Scott would have made it as a high-ranking officer in the Alliance if it wasn't for the fact that our surname has been poisoned by Dad's experiments with SAM. He'd make it through N5 training at least, maybe even N7. I wouldn't make it beyond N3. But with no chance in the Alliance, no future in the Milky Way … Scott and I were given two options. Join the Initiative, or abandon the family and stay in a galaxy where no jobs would hire us.

Pathfinder? What was Dad thinking?! I shouldn't even be on the Pathfinder team – I wouldn't be, if Dad wasn't the Pathfinder. He was obviously training Scott to one day take over as Pathfinder, and he currently has – had – a second. Cora should be the Pathfinder, not me. I wouldn't be surprised if she hates me. She's prepared for leadership, trained in combat … a much more powerful biotic than me. She was expertly trained by asari commandos, while I mix Dad's rough training with moves I learned from vids and the holonet. I don't know what I'm doing.

Liam's a lot of help, and having SAM in my head to advise helps, but I'm terrified. SAM can't quite provide me with battlefield experience, or much help with making the tough decisions everyone seems to think are the Pathfinder's responsibility. I can't deal with the politics of the Nexus leadership, or manage first contact with an entire galaxy! On Habitat 7, the kett … I was terrified just to approach them, even before they started shooting. Dad would have known what to do, but I didn't. I approached them because Liam urged me to, and to try and protect Fisher. Even if they'd been willing to talk, I wouldn't know what to say.

I'm going to make the wrong decisions, I know it. Maybe I already have. Tann, Addison, even Kesh and Kandros … all of them are politicians, looking at me like I'm the dealer in a game of Skyllian Five. Like I'm holding the card they need, but also the cards they don't want. They just want a way to use me. All five of us know how inexperienced I am … they just don't know how to exploit me yet. Kesh seems the most honest, but a female krogan doesn't get to be the superintendent of the Nexus without playing the game. Kandros would convince Scott easily – they have very similar mindsets – but I don't have that same faith in the military. Tann's a shifty bastard, everyone I've spoken to says so … but he was also never meant to be in a position of power. He's an accountant, not the leader of a community. Addison's the one to watch, really. I think Dad mentioned her once or twice, but I don't know much about her. Colonial Affairs … she's the most powerful person on the Nexus. She controls who gets let out of cryo, and she's certainly the type to exploit it if she feels she has to. I don't trust any of them further than I could throw them, even without my biotics. Every time I'm on the Nexus, I can feel their eyes on me. Evaluating me, judging me, scheming.

Dad should have prepared me better.

-.-

AN: I know, I know, I haven't posted anything in a while. I'd make excuses, but I'm just not really feeling creative. Hell, I wrote this months ago, when I first got the game. It just seemed somewhat appropriate to post it on Father's Day.

This is my interpretation of Sara Ryder, and I semi-plan on writing more based on this version of her. Who knows if I will or not though?


End file.
